A Fool for You
by Dramatic Insanity
Summary: Julien takes his prank too far. Skipper/Julien


A/N: I literally wrote this today. It's not meant to be particularly... serious.

* * *

Julien watches the penguins from the perch of his throne. They're currently running an obstacle course and timing each other, nothing out of the ordinary. However, Skipper is unaware the Julien is concocting a joke to play on him. Through a treaty, Julien agreed to keep his general prank playing and joking to a relative minimum. This is the first of April, the Fool's Day. He is allowed to go hog wild. He has already played several pranks on his zoo-mates, including Maurice and Mort. No one is very happy about it, but Julien has been having himself a good time.

Thinking of a prank to play on Skipper is no easy task. It's not easy to get the jump on him.

"I'm going to hang out with the penguins," Julien announces. He climbs down from his throne. Maurice jogs over to him.

"No more pranks right?! You don't want to start a prank war with the penguins, especially Skipper. Don't you remember last year?"

Julien's eye twitches. "We are not supposed to speaking of last year! It is forbidden!"

"Sorry your majesty. I'm just saying..."

"I've had enough of your sayings. I just want to be giving the greetings."

"Right," Maurice says, "I'm sure it has nothing to do with a certain 'bossy penguin'?"

"Maybe I want Skipper to notice me, the way I am noticing him. I have to spend time with him for that to be happening," Julien explains.

"Just be casual... be yourself. Try some light flirting?"

"I can do that."

Maurice scoffs, "You're not exactly a master of subtlety."

"You are going to be mastering how to shut up a little in a minute! Anyway, are you coming or what?"

Maurice sighs. "I'd rather be left out of this one."

"Okay, if that is your final decision then your king is going."

Julien leaves the habitat without another word. As promised, Maurice doesn't follow him. He settles on the sidelines to watch. Skipper, timer in his flipper, side-eyes him, but he doesn't comment. Julien mostly observes Skipper, as he makes his concentrating expression and remarks on the performance of the others. Julien grows excited when Skipper's turn finally arrives.

As he finishes in record time, Julien meets him at the end.

"Great job! High-five!"

He holds up his palm. Surprisingly, Skipper slaps it. Before he can pull away, Julien wraps his hand around his flipper. Skipper gives their joined appendages a quizzical look. An idea suddenly hits his brain. He once heard someone say the best lies stem from truth, so that must mean the best pranks do too. He grins down at Skipper.

"I'm in love with you."

Skipper's beak opens and closes. "I - you - what - who?"

"Gesundheit."

"I didn't sneeze." Skipper stares at him. Julien stares back. He's vaguely aware of the other penguins watching them with rapt interest.

Skipper says, "Care to elaborate on that?"

"What is there to be explaining?" Julien drops his tone low and seductive to purr, "I want you to kiss me, marry me, and make love to my body..."

Kowalski covers Private's ears and wheezes. Rico snickers. Kowalski lightly slaps him.

"You must be joking." Skipper lowers their joined appendages and rubs Julien's hand with his other flipper. "But... do you really mean it? Because I - I've wanted for so long to tell how I actually -"

"HA! Of course I am kidding you, you should see the look on your dumb feathery face!" Julien slaps his knee and guffaws. "April Fool's! Got you!"

Julien falls to the ground as he's afflicted with side-splitting giggles. He rolls around for a bit. He has to pause a moment to remember how to breathe correctly. Eventually, he gets a grip on himself. He wipes his eyes and stands up. He dusts himself off, only to find three penguins murderously glaring at him. It is immediately clear they did not enjoy his joke for some reason.

He turns his gaze to Skipper. Julien doesn't understand what his expression means, but he knows it isn't amusement, or even rage. Julien nudges him. He's as stiff as a statue, and he's not quite meeting Skipper's eyes. Julien is lost on how to deal with this lack of reaction. He was hoping Skipper would give him more to work with, so that he can reveal that the prank is in reality - the prank itself.

"Come on, that was a good one right?"

"Leave me alone, Ringtail. I should've known better, life is just one big joke to you! What have I done wrong in my life, that I should have to fall in love with someone like you?" Skipper kicks a traffic cone with great force, sending it flying into another habitat.

A voice gripes in the distance, "Oi! Watch where you're throwing your stuff, once it's in Joey's pen, Joey's keeping it!"

Julien is slow to process Skipper's response. Once it dawns on him what Skipper said, the penguins are gone.

"Oh."

Julien trudges to his habitat, his tail dragging on the ground. He tugs on his ears. He's so confused. The worst part of it is, that he wasn't actually joking. It's a double joke - a joke that isn't really a joke. He thought it would be genius, but everyone hated it. He couldn't have imagined that Skipper feels that way about him. This whole time, he's been operating under the assumption that someone like Skipper could never, ever love him in return.

_'What have I done wrong in my life, that I should have to fall in love with someone like you?'_

He informs Maurice, "I think I've made an absolute fossa toothpick out of myself!"

"What a surprise," Maurice remarks, dry as the Sahara Desert.

"It is not the time for sarcastic quips, Maurice, this is not a joke!"

"Let me guess, you played a prank after all, and it went horribly wrong."

Julien taps his nose. "Who allows you to be so clever? What are you some kind of mind reader?"

"So, what happened exactly?"

"Well you see." Julien leans against his throne. "I did a joke joke."

"A what?"

"Keep up Maurice! It's when the April Fool's is that it's not an April Fool's! It's a joke that's actually the truth."

Maurice rubs his face. "Julien... for Frank's sake... what did you **do**?"

"I - I told Skipper I'm in love with him." Maurice opens his mouth, but Julien continues, "He asked if I was kidding, I said that I was, then I was going to tell him that it was a double fools."

"You're an idiot," Maurice says simply.

"Yes."

"You messed up, real good, this time, didn't you?"

"It turns out he is not being pleased with my fake prank, though he doesn't know it's fake, because he is having the feelings for me too."

Maurice wraps his hand around his arm. Julien looks at him.

"King Julien, what do we do when we hurt someone's feelings?"

"Uh - apologize?"

"Yes. What have I told you about the truth?"

"That lies dig deep holes, and honesty is the rope to save you..."

"Very good. Now go."

"But -"

"No buts! Go! I can't take - agh - I just can't take the drama between you two anymore," Maurice gripes. "This needs to be resolved, before it gets any worse."

Julien crosses his arms. "Fine!"

He stomps over to the penguin habitat. Well, he starts by stomping. However, his feet quickly get tired. He collapses by the bowl. He groans at his emotional and physical distress. He doesn't want to do this. Hesitating a bit, he knocks on the bowl.

Kowalski asks, "Who is it?"

"Uh - pizza delivery, yeah, pizza with left anchovy and no cheese?"

There's a pause. "I know that's you, Julien."

"Just let me in, man!"

"Sorry, not happening," Kowalski replies. "Pretty sure you _broke_ Skipper, so you're in hot water, buddy."

"I'm actually kind of cold. You wouldn't leave me here to freeze to death," Julien pleads.

"Try again."

Julien is close to slamming his head into the ice and calling it day. "I want to say sorry, okay. So shut up a little and let me in so we can be talking this out."

The silence is prolonged. Julien plays rock-paper-scissors with himself. His left hand has won most of the rounds when the bowl finally moves. He scrambles inside and down the ladder. His foot slips, and he falls.

"Ow."

No one rushes to help him up. After everything, he finds that understandable. He wouldn't help him up either. He crawls across the floor and uses the big fish decoration to pull himself to his feet. He turns to once again see three penguins glaring at him.

"This is starting to get a little creepy."

Rico angrily grumbles something. Kowalski crosses his flippers and continues to glare down his beak at him.

Private speaks up, "You really hurt Skipper, you know that right?"

Julien circles the floor with his toes. "I - uh - I am not that stupidy. I am knowing."

"Why would you even do that?"

Julien's arms fall limply, and his eyes are burning. "I thought it would be funny. I could say the thing which is true, let everyone freak out, say it's a joke so they freak out again, and then boom! Reveal that it's double April Fool's! Surprise, suckers!"

They look between themselves, mumbling in confusion. Julien rests on his haunches, waiting for them to catch a drift.

"I'm afraid I don't follow," Kowalski says. Private and Rico agree.

Julien throws up his hands in frustration. "It's not that hard! The prank is that the prank is the truth - like this - I'm in love with you, just kidding! Wait no I'm not! But you weren't giving me a chance to finish the joke!"

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard," Kowalski remarks, "and considering your track record, that's saying something."

Julien displays his palm in a way that mimes holding an object. "You see how much cares I have for your opinion? They are none!"

Kowalski makes a noise that's half-sigh half-groan. "I'm going to my lab, this is giving me a headache."

Rico makes a disgruntled noise at Julien and follows him. Private stares sadly at Julien, apparently at a loss for words. Skipper saunters over, his mug in flipper. He takes a loud sip, his eyes not leaving Julien from over the rim. Julien is slightly startled, he didn't notice Skipper lurking in the shadows. It means he heard everything, so at least Julien doesn't have to repeat himself. Private scoots away. He scurries into the lab to join the others.

"You know, you could've just confessed your feelings and left it at that." Skipper takes another pointed sip. "You're so dramatic all the time, but damn if I don't love it. I've officially lost my mind because of you, Ringtail, thanks for that."

Kowalski chimes in, "Are any of us sane? I mean you lead a crack team of penguins, two of which could easily kill you in your sleep if they finally snapped."

"I'm sure you wouldn't do that Kowalski," Private says.

"I wasn't talking about me..."

"What?!"

"Do you mind," Julien shouts, "this is an exclusive conversation! As in excluding you three nosy nelvins!"

Without thinking, Julien grabs Skipper's coffee and takes a gulp. He promptly gags and starts coughing. Skipper pats his back. Julien is surprised when his beak bumps Julien's lips in a gentle kiss. He smiles and pulls Skipper closer, to slot their bodies together.

"To be honest... it's not like I came clean either. If you could see inside my mind, you'd see the cockamamie plans I've cooked up... instead of just stating how I feel like anyone with two functioning brain cells left would do."

"Feelings are scary," Julien says. "They're like dangerous little freaks in my heart."

"You said it."

"Who is needing the cells for the brains, anyway? What alleged crimes did they commit?"

"Ringtail, you're such a dumbass. Come here."

Skipper shoves Julien against the wall, kissing him in a passionate way that makes a lot of noise. The lab door slams shut. Apparently, their eavesdroppers have decided this is not their kind of music. It's a party of two fools.


End file.
